Category Archives: Life

Oh Berlin, You Pump through my Veins

Every time I walk the streets of Berlin a sort of cockiness and strut emerges from my personality. I feel comfortable on so many different levels. As if I had lived with adopted parents all my life and here I found my birth mother. It somehow feels right. I belong. The dirt, the noise, the hectic crowds, the central nervous system of public transportation. I feel like I finally blend, as if I can melt into the fabric of this city.

I am grateful for a handful of people that have accompanied me on this journey. Sven, my ultimate tour guide to the underworld. More important than that, a truly awesome individual. I’m glad he turned out to be the person that he is today.

Scott, for sharing the second leg of this adventure with me. It was fun trying to show him around although I myself am quite unfamiliar with everything there. We got to explore together.

And Marit. Because of her I have completely reset some of my thought processes and restarted my motivational engine. She understands some of the fundamental issues I’m currently facing and our conversations we had were priceless.
I feel that I can be me in this city.

There are many factors of why I want to move up north. I’d be closer to everything. Certain developments that are still too unpredictable to draw any firm conclusions from have emerged. The intrigue is huge and I have to be careful. I’m not sure if I’m just blinded by the adrenaline currently rushing through my body.
I have to say that the human connections I continuously make in Berlin keep my mind occupied long after I leave. This second trip just confirmed what I felt in the first one just four weeks earlier. I have to keep steering into that direction.
Hopefully a Blog Entry in the near future, will be about a housewarming party.

Beer, Music and my Maschine.

Got home from practice, beer ready, time for music: “hello Maschine” (Taken with instagram)

My current location

The Alps, Die Alpen (Taken with instagram)

Walking the dog, in between Studio Time.

I live in the ghetto. (Taken with instagram)

Got down on some music today…

Music is now more than ever a release for me, and I’m just realizing this. I mean, I knew that this was an outlet for me but I feel physically better after writing some music.
I was feeling a bit stressed. Settling here is taking longer than expected and My new release Para81 was released on a different label name, which was the distributor’s fault. I already wrote a stern note to customer service. UPDATE: re-release on the third week of march.

But still, although I know that everything will be fixed eventually, because it always does, I needed to take the edge off and the only way I can do that around here at the moment is to get down on some productions… and write endlessly long run on sentences in this blog.

Hello you. If you’re reading this then according to the average statistic you are one of ten people. Congratulations!

Greetings from the Alps

-thomas-

I’m here but somehow I have not arrived.

Just like when I was spending my last 3 weeks in San Diego before I left the U.S., I am again in some sort of Limbo. I am getting into the rhythm of living here in Germany but I haven’t really arrived. I’m doing all my registrations and paper work from this beautiful tiny village called Lechbruck am See. When I step out in to the back yard from my room I see rolling hills, then thick forests and behind that the Alps. It’s stunning. It feels dreamy. It is not how I know and remember this country. I had brief feelings of home coming, but mainly I feel as if I have arrived at a new place. I wonder if going to Berlin is going to make it all kick in so I can get it over with and move on with my new life.

All to often I have nothing to keep me busy and I sit in front of facebook or something else computer related. In those cases I feel as if I’m sitting in California again, in my room on the computer. I almost feel like I could break my staring contest with the Monitor and turn around and see one of my cats coming up wanting to get pet. Or if I stay on for too long I feel like Ashley is sitting in the living room waiting for me to get off so we can watch a movie.

But None of that is happening. TV also hasn’t captivated me so far. I need an outlet. I found a local Handball team and that brings back feelings of comfort. Practice is like a warm bath and soft blanket all wrapped in one. I want to concentrate more on music as well, though I’m easily distracted. I feel like I need to spend my time finding work instead of spending my time working on music. Producing with guilt in the back of my head is not a very constructive way to express myself.

Again I am waiting for yet another Limbo-phase to pass so I can move on already.

It is time.

First Steps

Snow (Taken with instagram)

San Diego Night Sky

San Diego skyline (Taken with instagram)

Fondue

Meat fondue for Christmas. (Taken with instagram)

How I feel this second…

I went over this in my mind. what single word would describe what I feel like right now.

“Crushed”

Now keep in mind that this is how I feel right in this moment, and that I’ve bounced back from worse. I always fuckin bounce back. Music helps a lot with that. When I listen to my music in chronological order I can sometimes read it like a journal. Little bits and pieces are sewn into the fabric of the production that point out my mood and my temper…. maybe even my patience.

So I feel crushed. In German I keep repeating the phrase “Kein Bock” “Kein Bock”
Ich hab kein Bock mir diesen Scheiss weiter an zu hoeren oder an zu schauen.

The light at the end of the tunnel.

What is my tunnel? A tunnel littered with bullshit speed bumps, flickering lights, a bad paint job and horrible ventilation. This tunnel is my journey from my present point, whatever that may be, to the light at the end of it. The light is my successful start of a new chapter in life.
It’s so dark in here and the smoke is crawling along the ceiling. Behind me I feel the heat of the dancing tips of flames, casting erratic shadows on to the road ahead. This inevitably pushes me forward. The problem is that the hurdles between me and the end are not static. When I entered this hole, I was able to see the exit. It was far away but in clear sight. Now that I’m closing in on the target like an arrow cutting silently through cold air, predicaments are disturbing my flight path. The emotional fluctuation I’m exposed to makes me numb and leaves room for only one response, which is always on auto-pilot… an empty smile  🙂
I’m down but not out. I will arrive at this light… burnt, beaten, crushed, stepped on, with cuts and with bruises… but I will arrive.

….That felt nice to write…  I’m leaving a lot behind. I’m leaving a lot of things that have been with me for a long time. I’m also leaving a lot of potentially awesome times I will now never have. Every decision changes the path that’s laid out in the future. In some parallel universe, another version of me is going to enjoy the uncertainty that awaits him here in the states. The version of me that “I” represent has leaped head first into the tunnel mentioned above.