I’m here but somehow I have not arrived.
Just like when I was spending my last 3 weeks in San Diego before I left the U.S., I am again in some sort of Limbo. I am getting into the rhythm of living here in Germany but I haven’t really arrived. I’m doing all my registrations and paper work from this beautiful tiny village called Lechbruck am See. When I step out in to the back yard from my room I see rolling hills, then thick forests and behind that the Alps. It’s stunning. It feels dreamy. It is not how I know and remember this country. I had brief feelings of home coming, but mainly I feel as if I have arrived at a new place. I wonder if going to Berlin is going to make it all kick in so I can get it over with and move on with my new life.
All to often I have nothing to keep me busy and I sit in front of facebook or something else computer related. In those cases I feel as if I’m sitting in California again, in my room on the computer. I almost feel like I could break my staring contest with the Monitor and turn around and see one of my cats coming up wanting to get pet. Or if I stay on for too long I feel like Ashley is sitting in the living room waiting for me to get off so we can watch a movie.
But None of that is happening. TV also hasn’t captivated me so far. I need an outlet. I found a local Handball team and that brings back feelings of comfort. Practice is like a warm bath and soft blanket all wrapped in one. I want to concentrate more on music as well, though I’m easily distracted. I feel like I need to spend my time finding work instead of spending my time working on music. Producing with guilt in the back of my head is not a very constructive way to express myself.
Again I am waiting for yet another Limbo-phase to pass so I can move on already.
It is time.